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Wit and Wisdom for a One Party State

A handbook for government by wishful thinking

Friday, June 11, 2004

After the Election

George W. Bush and Dick Cheney are sitting in the Oval Office the day before Inauguration Day, chatting about the future after losing the November election by the largest landslide in American political history. Colin Powell enters the room.

"Hey, Colin," calls out the Chief Executive, "You been over there to the Joint Chiefs, and tell them like I told you?"

"Yes, Mr. President, I have," replies the taciturn Secretary of State, "I recited your instructions exactly as you gave them to me."

"That's real good, Colin, that's real good. You tell John Kerry there's no way I'm leaving this White House?"

"Yes, sir, I spoke with Mr. Kerry and referred him to the Joint Chiefs."

"How'd he take it?"

"After he spoke with the Joint Chiefs, he said that he would not object. He has conceded the White House."

"Hey!" exclaimed the President, "Boys, that's it. Let's take Air Force One down to Crawford tomorrow. Dick's got some great ideas here, and we need some good clean country air to think 'em over."

Secretary Powell whinced, "I'm afraid we can't do that, Mr. President."

The President's voice lowered to a menacing whisper. "Colin Powell, I am going to ask you straight, and I am going to ask you once. Are you with me or are you against me?"

"Oh, I am with you, Mr. President. In fact, I've packed a suitcase and brought it with me today."

"Then what in the hell is the problem?"

"Apparently we'll need to apply for visas."

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