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Wit and Wisdom for a One Party State

A handbook for government by wishful thinking

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Machine, n. In politics, a mechanism that provides a deserving public with the best of all possible electoral results.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Triumphalism, n. Unrequited cowardice.

Armor, n. Any covering that raises the abject fear threshold of the modern soldier, thereby enabling his commanders to realize more fully their potential for reckless stupidity.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Mandate, n. In a democracy, the authority to govern, which flows naturally from the fact that 100% of the electorate believe that things will be much better at the end of the government's term in office.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Patriotism, n. A willingness to sacrifice everything for one's country and what it stands for, including one's country and what it stands for.

Garbage, n. The principle effluent of consumer satisfaction.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Election, n. A multiple choice examination which the electorate excuse themselves for repeatedly failing, on the grounds that it must have consisted entirely of wrong answers.